This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
