hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
