Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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