I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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