Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I color on your dick again?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
