you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
