also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
