accomplished twins. life is a go
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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