I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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