some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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