He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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