Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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