my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
