i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
