So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
