Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
