My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
