I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
