Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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