But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
