the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
COCAINE IS GR8
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
