I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
