Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
