Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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