By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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