Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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