I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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