How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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