just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
