ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Randomize
