im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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