all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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