Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
