But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
