Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so let's talk penis.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
