im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
