sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
