oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
