Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
