i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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