Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
