how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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