I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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