so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
