I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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