I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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