My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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