Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
