my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
