you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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