Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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