four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
