I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
