i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
