She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
