when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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