My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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