Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
